Go Conference!!!

During last night's debacle in Columbia, I was reminded of one of the most nonsensical fan tendencies in all of sports-the incredibly illogical "pull for everyone in your conference" idea.
Late in last night's game, South Carolina fans could be heard chanting "S-E-C. S-E-C".
Why? Do you love your conference more than your school? If so, why? Do you go to sporting events for all SEC schools? Is that you chanting "S-E-C" at Vanderbilt's swim meets?
This issue is magnified during the NCAA basketball tournement each March. Fans across the country, on radio and TV, can be heard saying "well, if UNC loses, I'm pulling for Wake". Or, "since my school, Syracuse, didn't make it, I'm rooting for all Big East teams".
One I hear someone say such things, I immediately discount them as viable human beings. No actual fan of a school would do this. The flawed reasoning is that it's good for the conference when it's teams as a whole do well, thus somehow making their favorite team better in the process.
They think that a top recruit looking for a school would think "Wow. The ACC is tight. They had 7 teams make the tournament. I would now like to go to NC State to compete against those teams". WRONG. That recruit wants to go to your rival school, who did make the tournament, in turn making your school even worse.
Same goes in football, South Carolina fans. Any recruit worth having did not hear your "SEC" chant last night and go "SEC? Let me look up that conference's bowl record", then decide that South Carolina would be a better place to be than Georgia or Florida. No, that kid is going to a rival of yours and will destroy your beloved Gamecocks.
Sure, when more teams make either the tournament or a BCS bowl, the conference gets more money, which leaks down to all it's programs, but the difference between 4 teams and 7 teams making it is negligible. And major football programs will be fine.
Any true fan of a collegiate program does not want his team's conference opponents to do well. Not only is it idiotic to root for your hated rivals; in the long run, it will only hurt you and your team. Wake up.

Joseph E. Tata- The Unauthorized Biography

"You want to talk about it"?, Nat asks Brandon, like the father Brandon has always had a better version of.
Joseph E. Tata spoke these words as the character he is most famous for, Nat Bussichio-owner of the Peach Pit on Beverly Hills, 90210. We all looked up to him as he doled out fatherly advice to the various vagabonds who ate and worked at the Pit, but do we really know who he is?
Let's take a closer look.
Jospeh E. Tata was born on September 13th, 1936 in Pittsburgh to a father who worked in Vaudeville. This gives us a clue as to what made Joe tick as a child growing up in the rust belt.
One can only imagine his deep yearning for making his father proud and becoming a performer himself. Perhaps we saw this cry for help, if you will, when Joe seemed to get himself too involved in the 90210 gang's misadventures later on. As he helped Brandon Walsh with his gambling debt for betting on one too many Lakers games, he was really helping himself understand his own father.
Our hero got his first big break in the 1960 TV series "Peter Gunn". He was only 24 then, and had yet to perfect his acting chops. He only appeared in one episode as "Curtis". For years, Joe toiled in 1-2 episode gigs on many short-lived TV Series, all while billed as "Joey".
Hollywood did not respect him and his polite kiddie name. Joe was lost.
Finally, in 1966, he decided it was time to grow up. He shortened his name to the now famous "Joseph E. Tata", immediately catching the attention of Hollywood.
Serious roles started to pour in: Of all the mothmen in that episode of Batgirl, he was Mothman #1. He was versitile enough to pull off several uncredited voice acting roles in "Lost in Space".
However, this new found success was short lived. Was it drugs? Sex? One can only speculate. I say drugs.
The 70's and 80's were mostly a haze. He did appear in many single episodes of various TV series, but the directors could only handle so much of his selfishness, so he was often paid for one gig, then tossed onto the hard streets of L.A.
Appearing as Bookie McGrudy on one episode of "The A Team" in the fall of 1985, you could tell Joseph had lost his edge. A few nondescript roles later, and Joe was begging for work.
A chance meeting with Aaron Spelling turned into a dream role- a creepy restauranteer who while surrounding himself with high schoolers, could pretend to be relevant again.
This is exactly what Joe E. Tata had been waiting for. His father would have been so proud!
With so much drama surrounding the talented and attractive cast around him on Beverly Hills, 90210, his lack of charisma and non-discernable acting talent remained unnoticed for the entire run of the show. This was a dream come true for Joe during its 10 year run. Although high at first, ratings eventually declined, and 90210 went off the air in 2000. Joe was devastated. He begged and begged Aaron Spelling for a spinoff show called "Nate's Emporium", but that was resoundly denied. It was back to the streets for Joe.
Joe E. Tata, after all of his award-worthy work in Hollywood, was now homeless and begging for drug money near the same neighborhood he ruled at the Peach Pit. For years he toiled in filth and shame, until, one day, while watching a TV through a store window he discovered that 90210 was being remade for the CW network! Joe was thrilled! If only he could get a second chance. That chance came when Aaron Spelling spotted him rooting through the dumpster behind a studio lot. Feeling sorry, Aaron offered Joe the opportunity to reprise his role of Nat, and the rest is history.
Just don't walk up to Joe on the street and say "You want to talk about it"? unless you have a few hours on your hands, because after his proud career, he certainly has some stories to tell!!!

Go Away-a Short Essay

Go away Nicolas Cage-no one is intimidated by you. In your latest movie, Shanghai Showdown,or whatever it is, you whisper-talk, "You hired me to kill, and now, you will die". Really? You are so dull and harmless. Just kill yourself instead, and spare us.

Go away Dane Cook-you are not funny. Do you really think tripping violently on a dance floor for no reason and falling on your face is hilarious (from your latest travesty "Best Friends' Girl")? I would laugh if you hurt yourself, but come on-in the history of America, approximately 4 people have fallen on their faces. We are not buying this, or your stale standup routine. Go away.

Go away Mike Greeney and Mike Golic from sports talk radio-no one cares about your lives. Greeney, you go on and on about being a baseball coach in your free time. Good for you- WE DON'T CARE. And I really enjoyed listening to you both talk about how you were amazed to have been invited to the Celebrity Softball Game, actually inferring that the Yankees invited you. Uh, no, ESPN, your employers wanted you there to host. You are not special, and your inane topics and comments only appeal to the 4-7 year old crowd. Please resign.

Go away Whoopi Goldberg, Billy Crystal, and Robin Williams-you talentless trio. America loves hearing your "controversial" stances on the View, Whoopi, but the educated see right through you. This is your way of staying relevant, and it works in the elderly. So, please go away, and take your act to retirement homes. The crowd there will laugh at your tired jokes, and fall asleep during your boring and pointless diatribes. But at least you won't be booed.

As for you, Mr. Crystal, aside from your attention-grabbing attempts at playing baseball, you have gone away. Thank you. Robin Williams, you sweaty and talentless beast, what did I ever do to you? Stop. Stop right now. Talking fast is not hilarious. Bouncing around frantically does not make me laugh. Nothing that has ever come out of you has EVER entertained me in ANY way. Who keeps employing you? I almost felt sorry for you when I happened across your awful attempt to copy Borat during American Idol last year. Very topical, Robin. Not to mention, the Yakov Smirnoff aspect of it was equally current. I cringed along with Simon Cowell as this total disaster unfolded on stage. If I didn't hate you so much, I may have felt sorry for you. But alas, I only feel sorry for me and the rest of America for being exposed to you for so long. Now do us all a favor, take your two sidekicks with you, and GO AWAY!

Movie Review- Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder- More Thunder Than Lightning

This movie seemed to be a can't miss. Several major stars inhabit the cast, and the concept seemed like a fun one. There are a few laughs to be had, but in general, the movie lacks depth and the characters, while fairly well developed, are still not likeable enough to care about.

Tropic Thunder does do a great job of introducing the audience to each of our 4 main characters. This is mainly done in fake trailers before the feature, as well as an "Access Hollywood" segment shortly after the start. Ben Stiller plays the former big action hero, Jack Black, the "hilarious" one doesn't get respect in his role(s) playing multiple obese characters a la Eddie Murphy. Robert Downey Jr. is the serious actor who tends to go overboard and becomes the characters he plays.

I forget the name of the 4th actor, but he portrays the rapper-turned-mogul character, who is mainly there to keep Downey Jr's character in check.

There is a very draggy scene right at the start between Stiller and Downey that you will just beg to be over, but the movie does get going quickly enough. The laughs really start once the actors are thrown into a real-life dangerous situation in the jungle, yet think they are still filming.

Downey Jr is the first to realize the gunplay is no longer fake, and takes action to get everyone to safety.

Unfortunately, the Jack Black character has little to do but annoy, and this continues his streak of not entertaining me, which is now up to 6 years.

As most of you are aware, Tom Cruise plays the movie executive in a fat suit. Many other critics have deemed this to be a hilarious role, and one which will allow him to shed his Scientology image, and begin to climb back to the top of Hollywood mountain.

I totally disagree. He was too over-the-top, and his act wore thin.

The other press-maker from this movie has been the controversial mentally challenged topic.

Stiller and Downey Jr. do go a little overboard with this, and when the drug lords force Stiller to recreate his role of Simple Jack, it does get a little uncomfortable at times. So if you are easily offended, this is your warning.

Some of the best and most believable acting came from unknown actors. The child leader of the drug lords was very believable. Some of the other townspeople showed range and heart, and you will almost find yourself rooting for the bad guys.

Overall, Tropic Thunder is entertaining enough with a few laughs, but there are a few draggy spots, and some of the actors are nothing more than annoyances. I give Tropic Thunder a C+.

Today's Fun Trivia Quiz

Here are some official career stats for 6 former or current NFL QB's:
TD-INT Yards QB Rating
A) 147-112 24,046 80.3
B) 149-77 22,825 87.2
C) 164-117 28,027 83.1
D) 165-141 32,942 81.6
E) 154-113 27,602 80.4
F) 182-106 31,826 84.2

Only one of the above players is in the Hall of Fame. The rest will NEVER even be considered, and one of them is the laughingstock of NFL QB's.
Can you guess which player is in the HoF?

That's right, player D is in the Hall with those incredibly average stats. That player's name? Troy Aikman.
From A-F, the rest of those QB's are : Steve Beuerlein, Jeff Garcia, Brad Johnson, Aikman, Jeff George, and Mark Brunell.

Wake up, America. Each one of these guys has similar or better stats than Aikman.
If you continue to insist on having a Hall of Fame, change the name to "Players Fortunate to have Played with Superior Talent than Their Opponents, thus were Able to Win Super Bowls"
Enjoy visiting Canton, Aikman fans. And be sure to look in the mirror while you're there and re-asess your lives.

Open Letter to Incoming Freshmen

Greetings NC State Freshmen-
Welcome to a new and exciting time in your life. Classes started Wednesday, and the parties will begin in earnest this weekend. These first few weeks will be among the most important and influential in your lives as you transition from young men and women into societies' next leaders.
Your expectations are high in everything from academics, social events, and athletics.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but don't get your hopes up on the athletic front.
As the state of North Carolina's largest university and as a member of a premier athletic conference, you are probably thinking "Wow. We should be competitive in every sport, and my life will be filled with rapturous delight".
Let me save you some trouble-transfer now. Transfer to a university who cares about making their student body happy. Transfer to a school who cares more about winning than choosing which song to pump their crowds up with. For the love of everything that is sacred in this world, get out now.
You are now probably thinking "Who is this guy? He doesn't know what he's talking about".
I'll tell who who I am- I am a broken man. I am just a shell of the young, enthusiastic kid who first walked onto the glorious brick campus in 1990. I had a sparkle in my eye and a pep in my step. Look at me now, and you will see weary eyes, poor posture, and a gruff personality.
Now I will give you the facts. NC State's last conference championship in football was in 1979.
EVERY OTHER school in the league has won a championship since them. Yes, even Wake Forest and Duke have won more recently. Even VA Tech, who just joined the league a few years ago. And both Miami and BC, who joined with them won Big East titles more recently. Embarrasing.
Several of these schools' enrollments are vastly lower than State's, yet they have managed to outperform us.
Let's move on to basketball, shall we? With the exception of the latest members, and Florida State, every other team has a more recent regular season title than State's in 1989. And guess what happened that year? That's right, State scored 43 points in getting blown out by the 8th seed in the first round of the ACC tournament. Humiliating.
In conclusion, let me spare you the heartbreak and health issues that loom large in your future as an NC State alum. Get out now while you can, and transfer to a school that will allow you to be who you want to be. The parties will find you wherever you may be, but pride and dignity can only be found outside the brick courtyards of Wolfpack Nation.
You're welcome.

Disturbing News of the Day

With college football, namely NC State, only a week away from kickoff, emotions of joy and anticipation have overtaken my football-starved body.
At least, that was the case until about 5 minutes ago when I read this ferociously horrid news:
This season at Carter-Finley Stadium, there will be a song played over the sound system during the break between the 3rd and 4th quarters. This is supposed to pump up the crowd in the same vein as Fenway Park playing "Sweet Caroline" during the 7th inning stretch, Ohio State's "Hang on Sloopy", and the University of Wisconsin's "Jump Around".
Regardless of the song chosen, this is a terrible idea.
But better yet, I challenge anyone to find songs that would be less likely to pump up a crowd than the 5 finalists: "Hey Baby"-not the No Doubt version, but a virtually unknown 1962 "shagging" song; "You Give Love a Bad Name"; "Song of the South"-Alabama; "I Won't Back Down", and "Start Me Up"
And the leader in votes so far - "I Won't Back Down". I am astounded and ashamed.
Anyone who thinks this atrociously subpar Tom Petty song is good, let alone want to have it played DURING EVERY GAME TO PUMP THE CROWD UP, needs to be put to sleep immediately. I feel sorry for you people, and I am considering not attending a single home football game for the first time in 18 years because of this. What a tragedy.

Ridiculous statement of the day

Today's winner is the mega-annoying Tim Kirkjian.
On this morning's Mike and Mike show, he made this baffling observation when referring to the Tampa Bay Rays' going from the worst record to one of the best records in baseball: "this is what makes baseball so great and the most unique in all of sports. You can go from great to bad and bad to great so quickly. More quickly than in any other sport".
I have never heard a more false statement in my life. Of the 4 major sports, baseball (with basketball not too far behind) is the least likely for this type of thing to occur.
The NFL and NHL have this type of thing occur every season. Just last year, the Flyers made the conference finals a season after finishing in last place. The Hurricanes went from winning the Stanley Cup to missing the playoffs in one season. The NFL list is too extensive to write here because it is such a frequent occurence.
Just last year, the Celtics won the NBA title just a year after having an atrocious season.
In baseball, while the WS champion may change, the same teams win year after year. The Red Sox and Yankees are the only teams out of the AL East to have made the playoffs in over a decade. A bunch of teams, including the Pirates, Royals, Reds, and Expos/Senators, haven't come close to the postseason in ages.
It is incredibly rare for this to occur in baseball, so please Mr. Kirkjian, stop spreading false information about your dying sport. Noone is buying it.