Open Letter to Incoming Freshmen

Greetings NC State Freshmen-
Welcome to a new and exciting time in your life. Classes started Wednesday, and the parties will begin in earnest this weekend. These first few weeks will be among the most important and influential in your lives as you transition from young men and women into societies' next leaders.
Your expectations are high in everything from academics, social events, and athletics.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but don't get your hopes up on the athletic front.
As the state of North Carolina's largest university and as a member of a premier athletic conference, you are probably thinking "Wow. We should be competitive in every sport, and my life will be filled with rapturous delight".
Let me save you some trouble-transfer now. Transfer to a university who cares about making their student body happy. Transfer to a school who cares more about winning than choosing which song to pump their crowds up with. For the love of everything that is sacred in this world, get out now.
You are now probably thinking "Who is this guy? He doesn't know what he's talking about".
I'll tell who who I am- I am a broken man. I am just a shell of the young, enthusiastic kid who first walked onto the glorious brick campus in 1990. I had a sparkle in my eye and a pep in my step. Look at me now, and you will see weary eyes, poor posture, and a gruff personality.
Now I will give you the facts. NC State's last conference championship in football was in 1979.
EVERY OTHER school in the league has won a championship since them. Yes, even Wake Forest and Duke have won more recently. Even VA Tech, who just joined the league a few years ago. And both Miami and BC, who joined with them won Big East titles more recently. Embarrasing.
Several of these schools' enrollments are vastly lower than State's, yet they have managed to outperform us.
Let's move on to basketball, shall we? With the exception of the latest members, and Florida State, every other team has a more recent regular season title than State's in 1989. And guess what happened that year? That's right, State scored 43 points in getting blown out by the 8th seed in the first round of the ACC tournament. Humiliating.
In conclusion, let me spare you the heartbreak and health issues that loom large in your future as an NC State alum. Get out now while you can, and transfer to a school that will allow you to be who you want to be. The parties will find you wherever you may be, but pride and dignity can only be found outside the brick courtyards of Wolfpack Nation.
You're welcome.