Halloween used to be among my favorite holidays. Now it is my most hated. Why you ask? Because of what it has become- a fertile ground for America's least original and least funny to take their comedy stylings to the streets and bars across the land.
Originally a holiday marking the line between the living and the dead has dissolved into a festival of guys dressing like girls and hundreds of hilarious George W. Bush impersonators.
Hey, D*ck in the Box guy- did you actually think you would be the only person that thought of that? What went through your mind when you went to the bar and saw 23 other people dressed like you? Did you then realize how lame, unfunny, and unoriginal you were? I hope so.
Look at me-I'm a guy, but I'm dressed like a girl, because it's Halloween. Isn't that hilarious? No. No it isn't. You look ridiculous. I'm glad there is one day a year for you to fulfill your cross-dressing fantasy. Good for you.
While you are spending 3 hours getting ready to go out to the nightclub that is offering a $50 grand prize for "Best Costume", take a few minutes to look at yourself in the mirror. This is what you should be hearing: "don't. don't do it. It's not worth it. You will not be the only Sarah Palin there. There will be at least 47 Sarah Palins. Some will be accompanied by John McCains. In a hilarious twist, some will be with Barack Obamas. You are not original. You are not funny. You are human waste. Why don't you dress as that"?
I can't wait for the onslaught of political candidates, wall street businessmen dressed like homeless people, and Jim and Pams from The Office. I won't be able to stop laughing, because you people are too funny. What are you expecting? Someone to come up to you and say "great costume. Steve Irwin impaled by a stingray-very topical". Is that worth the humiliation of knowing you are being mocked by people like me? Nope. And best case scenario is this: you actually have a brain, and come up with a truly original costume. Great. Four people will come up to you and say "wow. How funny. Good for you". Was that worth the 4 hours of preparation and the 6 hours of sweating like a hog while walking around in it? Of course not.
Zombies, ghosts, and skeletons, I salute you. The undead will always be preferable to me than the unoriginal.
4 comments:
Are you the same guy who spent weeks preparing and designing a complex Gnu outfit based on an episod of "Get a life" that about 7 people saw? that was one of the better costumes i ever saw, but still didn't you have to go fabric stores and put on makup and stuff?
Yes, and that was a huge mistake. At least it was original, and I assure you that not a single soul has ever replicated that. I was very sweaty and regretful afterwards.
Where can one find a Joseph E. Tata costume? Red shoes, white sunglasses, jewelry?, are you supposed to be Chuck Amato? Oh man, good one! No it's not. How about the one person who dresses up on Halloween day at work. Are you supposed to be Dorothy?
I had forgotten about work Halloween Lady. She always dresses up like a witch, and tries to interact with as many people as possible. We have several of those here. Please get a life, lady. I feel sorry for you.
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