Friday, November 14, 2008

Today's "Mayne" Complaint


"Mayne Street", starring Kenny Mayne debuts this week. Thankfully, I believe it is in the form of webisodes, so I will not accidently become exposed to it while flipping my TV to ESPN. For those of you unaware, Kenny Mayne is a sportscaster. A really, really unfunny one.
America thought this guy was hilarious during a series of commercials for ESPN a few years back, which ultimately led to this web series. America was wrong, but at least network executives could see right through this hack and not offer him a TV deal.
He also single-handedly ruined Sunday NFL Countdown with his awful, unfunny segments where he would clown around with NFL players. This was always followed by uproarious laughter from Chris Berman and the studio guys, making matters even worse.
My hatred of Kenny came to a head during this year's "Celebrity" softball game during MLB all-star week. I know what you're thinking, "hey Lob, why are you watching that horrible event"? If you remember, my hobby is making myself angry, and this game had it all- Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Mike + Mike, and Kenny Mayne, among others. I could talk about how contrived and maddening this game was all day, but let's focus on Kenny. For starters, he was the manager of one of the teams, and walked around like he was Mr. Big Shot. Pardon me, Kenny-I'm not sure where your ego comes from, but you are not funny, no one thinks you're clever, and 80% of the people on your team have NO IDEA who you are. The fans in the stands did NOT come to see you, so take it down a notch.
He also refused to take himself out of the game. Everyone else only got to play an inning or two, but Mr. Mayne thought he was too important in this totally meaningless event to sit himself. Fans in the stadium only caught brief glimpses of actual stars like Chris Rock, so this clown could play the whole game. Also, he CONSTANTLY talked to his infielders while in the outfield. He screamed lame jokes towards Billy Crystal during play, because he was microphoned, and wanted to hear himself talk while pretending to be good friends with actual celebrities. The other players could not have cared less.
If you love America, Kenny, do us all a favor and go away. You are among the most annoying human beings on Earth. No one likes you. I wish being unappealing was a crime. You would spend the rest of your life behind bars and I could spend the rest of my life without you.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I love his satire shories with athletes where they make up some rediculous story that goes on forever. ATTN: ESPN. People watch you for sports, not for forced attempts at humor. We are here to watch the athletes, not the people talking about the athletes.